Tuesday, November 21, 2006
so now what... thanks doc. i got nothing to say.
haven't quite eaten, slept or anything...
something's wrong with dad's spine. he can't walk. i think back on those days whereby dad had stroke, he went through the 8 hours operation. doctor said either he make it through or die in the operating theatre. fine! dad was strong. he learnt how to walk again just like a baby.
now, 2 years down the road, you're telling me there's something wrong with his spine. you can't operate him. why? cos it's too near the nerves, if one mistake it could cause him to be paralyzed. dad's willing to take the risk. BUT neuro scan came out and you're telling me that the blood vessel where they had that freaking 8 hours operation on him is clot up again?! thanks to you surgeons! then what the hell was that 8 hours of life and death for? now it's clot up again? so the chances of getting the second stroke is equally high. in addition, the more you can't operate on dad, cos you guys told me that he'll DEFINITELY die in the operating theatre. i hate you guys, you lied! you lied to me! don't tell me things that's not gonna work for my dad. and you're telling me that dad's old and it's not safe. Fine, i accept that fact, cos he's already 60 years old.
so, when you said paralyzed, there was still hope. now you guys are telling me that death is involved. i thank you people for being truthful to me. tell me how's dad gonna bear the pain, to walk, to do alot of things.
i held on to the faith that dad is recovering fast. he learnt to walk and all. God's playing a game on me! all you want is dad not being able to walk? i rather i take over his place, let him be happy for the rest of his life. please... why must you do this to dad? WHY?!
Lawrence asked me not to ask so many WHYS. i can't help it. i just need reasons. i just want explanation. can anyone give it to me. how frustrating it is for me. ARGH! just kill me will you. everyone's saying i must be strong. i went through this before, why must i go through it again? I said it's not fair, they tell me nothing in this world is fair. but dad had his fair share of having to go through the pain 2 years ago. spare him please. that's all i ask for.
just leave me alone people. at times or rather now, i rarely wanna talk to anyone. just don't irritate me. i just don't wanna repeat my story of what's happening.
in life, i can't lose anything, but NOT daddy.
posted by Jenn Tan @ 3:54 PM
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
dad's hospitalised again.
can't walk due to spine problem. what now? God is playing games with me again? why must it happen for the second time? isn't it not enough? give me reasons, i just wanna know why. i lost sleep. i lost interest in talking to others. if i lose dad, i lose everything. just as simple as that. so stay strong dad. cos im slowly losing it also.
posted by Jenn Tan @ 2:47 PM
Thursday, November 09, 2006
whee!! finally i've got the time to pen down my thoughts again!
phew! the long waited 6 months semester has passed! exams are over! didn't perform quite well this time round, so im keeping my fingers crossed. seriously, it's not easy to work and study. in addition, im working shift work! im kinda afraid of the next semester where projects start rolling in. im gonna be so dead. how well can i really perform? =S God, please help me. 2 years ain't an easy road. whatever it is, im gonna PLAY hard this one month before the release of results! I've tried my best, God will do the rest!
woke up at 10am to pack my room, with all my notes and books all over my study room! gees, not under this kinda room condition can i work! haha! now it's clean! books and notes are all in the cupboard! *winkz* organised my reports, everything in place! makes me happy! =)
work's still fine for me so far, no complaints except for the sucky roster that im having. at times, i think, is dayang going against me or what, why is it that i get sucky roster. i get back to back shift still and covers most of the B shifts. isn't it sucky? oh well, it's ridiculous! i'll see how this whole month's roster goes and when it's time, i have to strike, i will! oh yes, i've gotten my confirmation letter! oh wow whee! haha! =P welcome to the shangri-la family! ;) don't know how long will i stay though. haha! what a joke eh? i just got confirmed, biz card are printing, uniform in the making and then im thinking of leaving.
anyway, it's been really busy these days, hotel is running crazy as well i guess. ayu was saying that "don't you think dayang knows when is the busy and non busy timings? why is it that the 3 of us always get the sucky timings?" oh well my dear girl, then don't you think that i've got sucky roster too? at least you guys aren't that bad. now that hairi is back, i thought it's supposed to be better. but next week, one back to back shift. what the hell?! but the day she gave me a back to back shift is the day that i kinda needed it, cos it's keith and clarice's wedding in the evening, so i need the morning shift. oh well, let it be my luck then! be nice and in return you'll get lots more! =)
now coming back to life, i've got lots of things planned! my diving trip, my xmas shopping, my overseas trip next year...etc. lots to mention, all in my dopod! hee! amazed by what dopod can do? yeah, you better be! haha! enjoy mobility! =P but this stupid mobile seems to hang alot and this morning i can't really answer the phone, it just kept ringing but that vibrating tone, pretty spastic! maybe it's just my luck AGAIN!
you won't know how much i enjoyed my bath last night anyway, it seems like a long time since i had a good bathing time! haha! shampoo and conditioned my hair, body scrub, body foam, finger and toe nails scrub, facial scrub and foam wash! ahhh! i literally fell asleep on my comfortable bed and soon fell asleep! it seems like i've not slept for days! i love that feeling!
now, exams are over, it's also time... to redo my room! whee! new speakers, new furniture! oh, forgot to mention, i've finally gotten my card pounch! whee! after such a long time. there's just too much shopping a lady can do and it's never enough, i figured. i wanna revamp my wardrobe too! sometimes i think simplicity is good enough, at times i like to be sophisicated. they always say, "don't try to understand a lady." we're too complicated creatures to understand guys, just go with the flow! =P
zavier called me yesterday! wah! i thought somehow you've disappeared already you know! haha! she called to ask me out. sorry, can't do so, gotta work. hey, no point having a status with her if you already put a stop to the relationship. what's up with the status thingy? forget it. and i'll see ya at keith's wedding next week! =) get to see the rest of the GROs again, which im NOT really looking forward to it. just miss some people, that's all. and LIJUAN! are you actually gonna attend the wedding too? drop us a SMS k! hope to see ya there!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 4:58 AM
