Friday, July 28, 2006
tell me about life... what's life now... im getting tired and all drained out. blame it on myself. i choose this route. i know how it's gonna be. everyone's been telling me too. i don't heed anyone's advice, being the stubborn me, i went on with my plans. it's a good experience i would say. i can't complain much.
im starting to feel the other side of me coming out again... work and studies... im starting to quieten down. just concentrating on my job and studies. what a joke life has played on me. even dad is worried. i got home from classes last night and the moment i stepped into the house, he said... "quit the job, you're not the same you. in addition, you wake up early, study at night."
he sees the old me coming back. just don't wanna talk to anyone. just wanna be myself, alone and I. i know im acting differently. i've got so much, yet so little time. they always say im too ambitious. maybe you're right, maybe not. i just wanna achieve alot our of my life. we only live it once. one thing @ a time, im probably wasting my time.
im totally tired. yes i am. am i really happy? tell me. there's so much to bother. no wonder they say how good it is to remain as a baby or a small child. i vividly recall those childhood days, play, and run around like nobody's business. nothing to worry, just worried about getting spanking and scolding. haha! all i want is to get to some remote place, facing the sea and live my life.
sometimes, i feel like moving out. get to a place whereby nobody really ask me why am i back so late, why i wanna do this, why i wanna do that, how i wanna do this and that, what am i gonna do. being alone is so much better. perhaps used to that kinda life, closed doors.
ARGH! WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY LIFE?!?!?!?! i just want a simple life. why raise expectations? my friends told me that i've never wanted a simple life, i want to be successful. especially lawrence. he told me that. is it true? that's why i never receive happiness? i yearn for more each time i accomplish something.
meeting up with guests has been so fake. studies, im struggling with. i don't know how long can i take it. for the time being, i'll move on with it... i just need some peace.
i went for a dive trip from the 21st to 23rd of July. it was a good one. i did some swim throughs. nice things to see. =) i was just concentrating on the corals and creatures around me. i had fun. i love it. all my troubles into the waters, the moment i surfaced, troubles flow back. kill me please. argh!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 2:27 AM
Sunday, July 16, 2006
as you can see... i've not been blogging for the past one week! IF only i had the time, you know i would do it... sadly, this goes to show how much time i have for blogging, let alone myself and people around me!
life's been pretty exciting for the past one week of work. Training and training @ shangri-la. I'm totally tired at the end of the day. but what can i do? Having to familarise with the facilities and surroundings @ shang ain't a good thing to do. but i have NO choice. yes, NO choice. even though im not station @ shang most of the time, I still have to go through that training. how sickening is that?! If everything in life would be as smooth sailing as before.
i miss that carefree life. I miss not having to put on make up to work, not having to care so much about my appearance. then again, in shang, they really give us the total grooming. im kinda thankful for that now that i come to think of it. where i'll slowly grow into a lady... unlike running under the sun... of cos, i miss lagoon ALOT. i cried so hard having to leave. im still missing DL, some people there of cos. i miss marine lives... i really miss them. be it dolphins, gracie (dugong), touch pool, sand tiger sharks, leopard sharks...etc. i miss them all!
i just received news that i've got to be at work next week even though my schedule doesn't put that i've got to work. i've got some more training! argh! so that means i can't diving trip. i feel totally crushed. thanks for telling me that. the next time i go diving would be in October or something like that? what a joke, what a punishment. do i really have to accept my fate? i was just about to master my buoyancy. i choose this route myself, i can only blame it upon myself. i really feel like quitting shang. but it's only the beginning. what am i to do when time goes by? =( im spending and giving less attention to those dear to me. i forgo dive trips. mixed feelings. kill me please.
what's life now? am i really happy? i question myself. am i truly contented with life now? i know i can't have the best of both worlds. at times, i wished im just a young kid, life's full of surprises. you do anything you want without any worries. now that im turning 21, i finally understand what dad and mum told me.
alot of things happened during training, i mean shang's a good training place to start off with. high expectations and all disciplinary actions taken. it's too competitive working @ shang actually. i don't know how to explain how i come about this theory, but it's true. today juliana (my trainer) was saying that i'll be the first one to meet up with those demanding guests. of cos la... they fly in, the first person they'll see is me! sighs. =(
i just wanna be ME! bring me back to where i belong. what am i seeking for, everything i wanna achieve in life. argh! i just wanna go so far away, nobody to bother me, to tell me what to do, asking me what i wanna do in life. if i could, i just wanna dive it all away. just put me into the oceans. leave all these things behind for a bit.
went out with xueting, clare and jiamin today. had a good chat. it's been long time since we go out together. i know we're not as close as ever, as least we made the effort to do so. =) i treasure those times. thanks girls. the next outing should be next week. cos it's sakilah's birthday. so time to meet up. i picked her birthday present for her just now. it's a pierre cardin wallet from takashimaya. i bought myself a CD. guess when im down, i head to that CD shop to listen to some songs, watch the night scene, the people walking around town, the busy orchard road...etc. i don't know why i feel down, perhaps too many things piling up til i just don't know whether i should continue...
selamat told me something today... he went according to my horoscope. he did some study on this anyway. he said libras are pretty dangerous people. he said that libras are nice people if they want to. if they're unhappy or anything, they'll not voice it out, they'll take it all in. but one day if they can't take it anymore, they'll just break down. i guess it's pretty true. im trying not to be such a conservative girl. i guess i think that i could and want to be independent. others are already so busy with their life, why should you bother them with your problems? that's what i always think. in life, i always think i don't need anyone to help me out. perhaps too much of a selfish thinking. i'll change. be a better person. by the way... selamat's a nice man, 36 years old, who'll be attached to the service apartment @ shang as GRO. he's been in the service industry for almost 1o over years. and he used to be duty managers @ different hotels. he's so funny, always trying to make me laugh. laugh til i cried. =)
anyway, today went for bus ride @ orchard. then all the guests alighted at the MRT, then i changed place to sit @ the single seat. then selamat said he wanted to tell me jokes, so asked me to sit beside him. he's got lots of things to share with me. interesting guy. even during class, he comes up with crappy stuff. haha! sitting beside him is like so much fun. haha! i mean all my other classmates are funny too. especially matiin. he's another comical guy. girls are nice too. =) just that most of them smoke! oh man! im so gonna miss this class!
well... legs are slowly aching like crazy! walked so much! please don't torture us for now... you can do us during our actual work day. i just wanna lie on my bed and listen to some music and just reflect abit. life's just too complicated to understand, to survive...
posted by Jenn Tan @ 3:30 PM
Saturday, July 08, 2006
although im pretty much tired... by hook or by crook i wanna complete blogging this entry.
i guess i got totally upset with someone. anyway, went back to UWS today and heard lots of stories... thanks for sharing there...
headed back to DL and well, this time i shared my stories with all those close to me of cos. if that's damaging a person's reputation is what you wanna do, i shall let you have your way. all the best in your freaking sad life. i feel totally sad for you. people are saying you're totally screwed up. totally twisted.
take a look at what she blogged.
Karma
Karma (Sanskrit: कर्म from the root kṛ, "to do", [meaning deed] meaning action, effect, destiny) is a term that comprises the entire cycle of cause and effect. Karma is a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do. The effects of all deeds actively create present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain in others.Karma literally means action. We first take an intent and follow it up with action in the form of thought, speaking to others, planning and execution. According to the Theory of Karma - every action taken to achieve a result or profit (fruit of action) leaves a trace or a karmic residue behind it. It is this residue that keeps accumulating and takes away ones well being and freedom.
That's right! Ladies & Gentlemen, today I will and shall and want to blog abt KARMA!Why KARMA? Cos some1, oh no i mean some2 (kakakaka...some1 =1pax but now got 2 pax so some2 lah) got into some major trouble! I know I shldnt do this and I believe in KARMA so by doing this I might get my KARMA 1 day too. But today is an exception. :P When I knew abt the trouble they got themselves into I cant help but share with AO & M and we had a good laugh! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH.....OH MY GOD THIS FEELS GOOD MAN!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......
It was COT, last last time and 2 of their side kicks who worked that fateful day. A guest-Ms Complaint she shall be called. I would love to call and thank her for that complaint and her bonus description but I cant lah! Her complaint goes out to COT of course as her bonus description fits her perfectly and the other must be last last time. Cos dun think their side kick has the ability to do so. Not that I underestimate her but based on her style-she cannot make it lah! Like what M said HOPELESS!!! Complaint was that they were RUDE which I'm not surprise. Not just towards Ms Complaint but to a Miao Jin family too! She called into a HOTLINE and case was referred to our Management of course. So now, pending for action which I believe will be a verbal one. Brag lah! HL lah! Cannon lah! Kana Sai lah! Now machiam Sai lor! See how SUPER & BEST u can go. So the cause is becos too HL and effect is this complaint lah!
After a hard day of work, we finally had a good and hard laugh! I think AO, M and myself will laugh ourselves to sleep tonite and maybe a few more good nites and sweet dreams.....
back to myself with regards to what she blogged. too bad lady, if one bad complaint can go against all the good feedback i've received so far, you'll be such a loser. sadly, if you brand yourself as a "Guest relations officer" i think you're worst off. for all my 2 years at work. check out the bad complaints i've received. i knew what was the incident about... anyway, only keith and renee will justify those incidents. whatever makes you happy, lady. cos you simply make people despise you more. you think too highly of yourself there. perhaps someday, you'll know what's karma. for now, have a good laugh. i wait for the day i receive news saying you received doubled of what i did now. not cursing, not being mean, not the bitch. just stating the facts of karma. apparently, you sound like someone who needs to go to IMH? totally sick. perhaps all i can conclude is that you're just insecure. if you wanna be the best, you can have the stage all to yourself. whatever makes you happy. and i seriously hope you'll find happiness in your someday. cos that's what you're deprived of right now from what WE see.
oh and i forgot how KPO these girls are. they actually went to find out my personal blog. talked about my past relationship. so free eh? well... perhaps one day your privacy will be intruded. that's when you'll learn. and perhaps it'll get intruded 10times of what you did to me. thanks. you know, sometimes, it's good that you girls learn to be more discreet in things you do? be smart.
i just feel sad that the whole GRO department has ended in such a state. since the girls could do it to us, i would then suppose that they would do it to anyone who comes in their way. sorry, but apparently, it's no longer a nice place to work. totally crushed over how it has become. seriously. i pity asnul. i had a good talk with him today. he shared what happened in his life these 2 weeks as well. i appreciate it. we wanted to have a longer talk, but too bad, i was rushing for my medical appointment by my next company! somehow, i thank God that im leaving for a better environment. renee was asking if im interested in working @ barclays bank as accountant. 5 day week. not too bad, good pay. i'll give it a go. i mean why not right? it's associated with what im majoring. we'll see how things goes. =)
i had great time these 2 days. even though she affected me a fair bit. i guess in life, i've got more than her to worry about. thanks for those who trusts me. apparently, more people trust me and lijuan rather than you and your sidekicks of what you named them.
posted by Jenn Tan @ 1:40 PM
Thursday, July 06, 2006
it's a wednesday! finally! those long dreaded days in MA lectures! today's the last day! haha! oh well... actually after yesterday, im slowly getting the momentum back. studies studies! Jen's gonna disappear very soon... to studies and to work...
haven't been feeling very good. in fact, more than lousy. i don't know whether taking up the shang job is right. but it's too late to back out now. cos i'll be going for my medical check up @ shang later @ 1430hrs. starting work next monday.
to renee... im so sorry. probably one of those promises that i shouldn't have broken. made you purchased the membership for SSC and now i realised we can't go windsurfing every wednesday. =s i feel upset over it as well...
i can foresee the weekends slowly gone. not enough time for anything. i miss diving lots. til now. when will be my next diving trip. i really feel like taking leave for the 21-23rd trip. i longed for that. but everything came too soon. why didn't i push it back after july?! i wanna go diving!! next 2 months, totally no diving at all cos of the hungry ghost festival followed next would be the monsoon season! when will i be able to go diving?! next year?! please don't tell me that's the case. i just managed to slowly control buoyancy... is that the punishment?!
i'll try.
posted by Jenn Tan @ 3:21 AM
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
was just packing my cupboard... and then i came across this certification. haha! as you can see it's way back in 2006. almost 2 years. when i was 19 years old perhaps? haha! sadly, this business can't really work out in Singapore. in other countries it's still moving on. To find out more... http://www.monarchhealthsciences.com/medicalproffesionals.htm. the business was doing good until they tried to change the products. well, not many people really enjoy it i guess. not that it's not good. business is still going on. anyway, if you wanna lose weight or do business, please share with me! haha! im a qualified consultant. well anyway, only 3 person knows that im a qualified consultant for this company. nothing much to brag about. sometimes, i sit down and think, what have i really achieved in life. not much really. im just living each day. since secondary school days, i've got this big dream... about owning a company that would in future globalized. wow! haha! *please stop dreaming jen!* maybe i settle down too fast. they say it's good to start young. i forgo alot of fun. i was busy with work, seminars, meetings when my friends are out there playing, enjoying the bits and pieces of their lives. i never really quite regret actually. cos i had my fair share, just not as much.
i came across this piece of paper... given to me by James - my motivation camp instructor back then in secondary school. girls went gaga over him. commandos trained. anyway, we became close friends even after my camp. he introduced rock climbing to me and that's where i know the rest of my good friends in rock climb. i missed those days. weekends was just climbing. hanging out and chatting. of cos i still do that once in a while with these crappy guys.
anyway, he wrote...
in life we show our love to those we care
but we often neglect those who have always been there for us
expectation of appreciation will lead to disappointment
friends come and go
feel no tears and be grateful
cos once in your life they were there to share your joy and sorroe
true friend share not your success but your joy
true friend share not your sorrow but your burden
such a short and sweet one. written in year 2002. so looks like i've known james for 4 years. time flies. james was the one who "forced" the motivation out of me. the determination that you could never find. especially during rock climbing days. whenever i feel like giving up, he'll say... "the only way down is up.." so no matter what, if i wanna get down, i have to climb up. and there's one more thing he'll say... "you're so light, i don't mind belaying you for hours." faints. are all commandos trained like that?! but i thank him for that. haha! how ironic eh?
but in life, how often do you find people like that? people who motivates you? people of whom you can trust? perhaps i've seen the business world. i was being taught not to trust anyone. you somehow just built that wall yourself. is there even such things as true friend. of cos there are nice ones... true friends... so far, i really don't know. all i know is that, whenever i need someone, i could find one. maybe my circle of friends is just huge.
posted by Jenn Tan @ 1:49 AM
Monday, July 03, 2006
My Job
Let's about my job and do bit of bitching here. Shall we?I work in an Oceanarium both indoor and outdoor enviroment.My title is a GSO-Guest Services Officer.So what do I do?I conduct animal feeding commentaries, animal training presentations, customer service, guided tours, educational talks, fun activities and many more...Many more??No, not just many more but ALOT more!!!Need to usher, housekeeping-that include washing TP towels, being a nanny, security guard and etc. All rounder lah!So do I enjoy my work(minus the many more)?Yes I do. I proudly say I love my job despite of the miserable pay and bits of hiccups I encountered with some ppl who simply cannot make it.
I've got a very good supervisor who is also my mentor. Not to mention, he's funny too! Not trying to be funny funny but funny as he can make u laugh and remember the cold/lame jokes/comments he told u. He's also very understanding but also bo chap at times. He's a very patient person as well. Shall address him as AR-his initials? He was the 1 who showed me the ropes and always encouraging me. Never too selfish to teach and I am always thick-skinned to ask. Then there's another assistant supervisor who is 1 year my junior. :) And that will be JC.JC is a nice guy, sometimes I find him too nice that ppl tends to take advantage of him. He's also funny in his own ways. Can be blur and clumsy too! He always misplace either his mobile phone or wallet. He is also another person whom I can bitch with :) He got his own way and style of working and handling situations.
Rest of colleagues are part timers,quite a handful of young punks! A few can work, a few cant, a few thinks highly of themselves and got major identity crisis lah! People come, people go. But there are also people who always say wants to leave but never did. Say only!! But actions speaks louder than words ok! These are the people who refuse to leave their comfort zone, refuse to learn new things, refuse to accept, refuse to be true to others and to themselves. These are the people who I grade their adaptbility-0! What rubbish excuse that they give lah! It's not abt the job, it's the ppl here. It's not abt the job, it's the animals I can't bear to leave. It's not abt anything else but their own bloody ego lah! 1 classic excuse is : I work here is not becos of the pay as the pay here sucks and I got my own business out there. The reason I work here and stayed is becos of the ANIMALS!!!! What the fuck!!! I 'never' realise what business is that until JTC point out to me, the Crude Oil (or you) business lah! ROTFLOLTMTA!!!! Ok, aside to those people I enjoyed working with and miss working with will be : WC, Zai Zai, BY, HF, Twinkle & AO. Why? Becos I like their working attitude-positive and initiative. They may be young but hey hey Age is not the issue, it's the Attitude that makes the difference!
well... i don't wanna mention who wrote this. but i guess it's just her. it's just irritating of her. i guess she just doesn't know. perhaps she's just feeling insecure from what i can conclude. whatever reasons people wanna give for staying with their job is up to them. how the hell you know that's not really the true reason they give. people do have business out there to run and that's their personal problem. didn't know you'll be such a busybody to check out on people's personal life. wow! totally amazed. else how can they really survive if they only work at UWS or DL? pay is really not good. that's a known fact. another issue, if people wanna leave, they can't find any suitable job, would they still leave? whether they're comfortable or not or wanna leave their comfort zone is their problem. why bitch so much about it? some kinda totally screwed up girl you are. at your age, i think you're even more immatured to handle things this way and to say things like that. totally disgusted.
Troubled over M'sia Waters
Well, I was surfing over the net for info travelling to Pulau Aur-M'sia.Planning a short dive trip with Edmund, Edmund's fren and Azlin.Initial plan was to Tioman-Kampong Salang our fav. spot after so many years but Azlin told me a scary story and well...change of plans of course!!!Since Azlin will be visiting Pulau Besar with her mom and sis, we will try to accomodate her by leaving the same week so meeting point with her will be at Mersing instead of Singapore. Spoke to Edmund earlier and he suggest either Sibu or Aur and so here i am surfing for info BUT!!! But guess what i found?? An undesireable pc of news abt divers!
By Boat to Aur from Mersing
You either have your return trip fixed for you by your dive/tour operators or you may want to sit at the jetty and keep an eye out for any boats going to Aur which will cost you about RM50 one way per person. Okay please note that since departure of boats is usually dictated by the early/late arrival of coaches from Singapore then you may have to wait from 1 to 3 hours. The boats quite often leave just before midnight Friday and arrive at Pulau Aur or Pulau Dayang at around 4.30am Saturday. The travel time depends on the type of boats and the conditions of the sea. Several of the dive boats can seat about 40 - 60 pax and be a little cramped and uncomfortable so be prepared. You may also encounter a few unpleasant fellow divers on the trip who have a habit of reserving rows of seats for themselves so that they can rest easy during the boatride, sacrificing other people's comfort. This despicable act was witnessed several times and it does not rule out Westerners too!
KNS!!! some divers really cannot make it lah! they really think highly of themselves.1 of my KNS fren commented this before. "Hello!!! I dive ok??"SO WHAT???it doesnt make ur status higher or u smarter just becos u dive ok!Well, COT is another KNS diver lah!Was bitching abt her to JTC the other day and his reply was : "Some ppl are just like that. They want to show off. Scared dunno road (translation from Hokkien-gia hm zai lor). They tell u loudly how good the trip they had but they forgot to tell u how yoyo they did during their dive or who rig up the tank for them!" Hahahahaha....always enjoy my bitching session with JTC lah!Anyways, I am sure COT will get to read this and I am not afraid to let her find out herself.Names were not mentioned so yeah what makes u think its u?U may question what does COT means? COT = Crude Oil Tank (translation from Hokkien again - or you tang)
so you think your buoyancy is good eh? oh well... how people dive and everything is up to them. if they're rich and ask someone to rig up the tank for them, what can you do? LPPL right? departure of boats are not dependent on the coaches! it's dependent on tide level! what a joke you've made out of yourself. haha! btw, most boats are chartered. you just don't know how many people dislike your attitude and character. well, so im the bitch here right now. i agree that i am. sadly, i've not really bitched about anyone lately. so i guess you've become my topic to do so. ask around, who really enjoys working with you even though you enjoy working with them. the insecurity in you is being seen by many. just hope someday you'll become a better person. i feel sorry for you.
posted by Jenn Tan @ 3:08 PM
Saturday, July 01, 2006
til this time i still can't get to sleep. lawrence messaged me asking am i still taking puff. i replied no. as promised to myself, i would not. thanks for your concern buddy. =) been some time since i've since him though.
had dinner with zavier, lijuan & ravan @ phils steakhouse. nice place to hang out. i wouldn't say that the food is fantastic, but the company made it good i guess. but i wasn't much concentrating the whole night. i was thinking about some things. call me a thinker.
anyway, shangri-la has accepted me. asked me to tender resignation with Underwater world. i don't know should i really take up this offer. i guess i'll just go for the orientation and see how things goes. chances don't come easy. i don't wanna give up my studies nor this chance to work at Shang. really. i'll try to make things work. i know how hotel line works. i won't be getting those kinda leave that i wanna take as compared to now. i'd be giving up life (carefree life) if i accept the job. i can't head for diving as often. there're so many things to consider. with all the cash that i can earn, giving up freedom. will my loved one wanna stay by my side? will i drift apart from friends? diving seems far...
life's just seemed screwed up now. too many choices. ahhhh! i wished in life, you can have the best of both worlds. knowing that's not gonna happen for now. =(
just listening to sad songs, sitting in my study room. thinking, stoning. im lost. just leave me alone.
i can see the pain living in your eyes
and i know how hard you try
you deserve to have so much more
i can feel the heart and i sympathize
and i never critisize all you've ever meant to my life
i don't wanna let you down
i don't wanna lead you on
i don't wanna hold you back from where you might belong
you would never ask me why
my heart is so disguised
i just can't live a lie anymore
i would rather hurt myself
than to ever make you cry
there's nothing left to say but goodbye
you deserve the chance of that kinda love
im not sure if im worthy of
losing you is painful to me
tell me what you wanna do
i will leave it up to you
but i don't wanna lose you now
tomorrow or forever
i'll give you all the time you need
hoping you will come to see
that you and i were meant to be
made to be together
i'm so scared
i never thought i'll ever lose the love we shared
the love that always felt so right
i'll leave it up to you
cos i know i could never let you go
i'll leave it up to you
to decide, search your love, my soul, your eyes
i promise you there's no deeper love than mine
we could try to start again
we were once the best of friends
tell me that you couldn't live without me
i can't believe, nothing i can do about it
give it one more chance...
posted by Jenn Tan @ 4:48 PM
