Wednesday, September 28, 2005
hey hey! i'm so happy today but tired as well!
anyway, the best birthday gift i got was my driving license! haha! i passed with 14 points... =D
tired because of record retention... i'm dying soon... each day i come home feeling so tired and hungry... anyway, starting from this thursday, i'm starting to celebrate my birthday. i'm going to put on weight! ahhh!
anyway, it's great to have a license. but i doubt i really wanna drive for the first year... only 12 points. one red light and that's it. no no... dangerous! play safe...
hmmm... thursday can get to drive! weee!! hee!
so tired, wanna sleep!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 11:56 AM
Saturday, September 24, 2005
yays! I'm home early today! surprise surprise... right on a Friday night! I guess I'm just too tired to do anything. I don't really wanna talk as well. Just tired...
Today, I tried to negotiate my pay with my company. Still pending. Well, I'm not a part timer, no longer an attachee, I should deserve more pay! Since you guys extended my stay, pay me more!
Today, Asnul sms me too, asking will I be back to work with them. I told him yes, unless he doesn't want me. Then he replied saying of cos he wants me back, one of his best staff. Well, I can be one of the best but it depends which DM I'm working with. I shall keep this to myself. Anyway, I guess I won't be leaving DL so soon. Since I can't commit my weekends to another company, I shall just stay at DL first.
I can't wait to get back to school and complete whatever I have left then leave this country. I hope by next year April, I can get to Canada. Well, that again depends. =s
Anyway, I got my pay today! $160 will be to my bills though. Sighs...
My birthday is just like a week away. But guess what?! I'm not excited about it. I don't know why. It's just the same as last year. Probably been celebrating for many years, I don't feel anything. Oh well... Sighs... how sad eh? =(
Anyway, these few days, I'm really tired. Especially this week. Please don't ask me why. I don't know why as well. Am I too tired looking at those accounts? Auditing? Sighs... Colleagues have been asking why am I so tired. Yays! Those external auditors from PwC are gone! Today is their last day! whahaha!! No more disturbance! haha! It's the weekends that I'm looking forward to!
Actually, tomorrow supposed to attend a wedding dinner, but I doubt I wanna attend. I'm going to disappoint my childhood friend. haha! And Aaron was complaining what 15 years of friendship has brought us? and now I don't even wanna attend that wedding dinner... oh ya, don't be mistaken, my childhood friend was taken care by my grandaunt since young and he used to come every week to play with me. so tomorrow is like my grandaunt's son's wedding. Also Aaron's Godbrother. haha!
And my cousin, Joanne is going to get married next month! she's only 24/25 this year. wow! that's fast! Everyone seems to grow up and slowly getting married. I wonder when will it be my turn. haha! not so fast I guess...
yawns... think I wanna take a short nap... ciaos...
posted by Jenn Tan @ 10:22 AM
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Finally! after so many days, I've got the time to blog again!! whahaha!!
Went breakfast dim sum with Mi, granny, Ana (granny's maid), grandaunt and myself! haha! nice nice! how long have i not eaten dim sum?? hmmm...
After that, we went to buy duck!! I had duck for dinner!! yummy! anyway, i highlighted me hair again! i don't think this time round it's nice... kinda disappointed.... sighs! doesn't matter anyway.
then now i'm here sitting and rotting... =s what a thing to do! not working on weekends is a great thing! I'm so tired and all... better rest before i have my panic attack again! choy choy!!
Anyway, just wanna share office politics... so many things happened in the office recently. Julia and Veron had an argument and that has lead to many things! Sighs... shall not go into details, but anyway, Veron worships at LE woodlands! wooo... haha! didn't know until we went home together on Friday! And also Doreen worships at Wesley Methodist Church!! whahah!! so happening! been reading my Bible these whole week when I'm on my way to work and on my way home... Just the word of God does many changes to my life...
I'm slowly going back to who I was... I hope I am... God will lead the way... I start to think about what I'm going to do after I graduate. I was looking through the papers the other day on Universities. Nothing that i wanna major in SIM, except for Degree in Business and Psychology.
I thought of going to SMU, have yet to check out the courses. Probably head to Canada where Mi is going. I would love to major in Marine Biology. Market for Marine Biology is not up yet in Singapore. If i really can make it there, i would have to work there. Sighs... So many considerations. Will try for NTU though. Probably work first and do a part-time degree? Sighs... I'll try my luck...
posted by Jenn Tan @ 10:09 AM
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
yeah!!! finally handed up my report... but then, i'll still be busy with work. sighs... attachment finally ended! new job!
i thought i missed school's food. but it was disappointment when i went back today! haha! i think boon keng market's food is nicer. haha! oh well...
Life's still pretty much the same. i hope my anxiety illness has subsided... all caused by depression? stress? whatever... just trying to relax alot. i hope i can though. find peace in HIM!
it's raining pretty heavily now... oh well! it's good weather to sleep! I hope I can sleep well tonight!
Caught Herbie the movie! I wished I have a car just like Herbie! It's cool! haha! daydreaming jen! yaya, I am... alrighty... nothing much happened these few days, just the rushing of projects...
I've got the whole lot of programme this week... tentatively,
wednesday lunch with doreen and glen
wednesday dinner with zhu zhu
thursday night set aside for something else
saturday morning set aside for something else
saturday afternoon with aaron (childhood friend of 15 years! proud of it!)
Sunday night with xueting and gang to chinese garden to 'shang yue' haha!
gotta go! ciaos!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 10:11 AM
Thursday, September 08, 2005
well... I had an MC today... reason being... I suffered from panic attack last night! Well, I suffer from anxiety. How weird eh? A healthy person like me suffer from anxiety. I was breatheless. Rushed down to the clinic and doctor said my breathing is tight. Gave me pills to clear my passage way. For relaxation and anxiety. Cough and phlegm. I went to browse through the website for symptoms for anxiety just this morning as I woke up.
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is a feeling of unease. Everybody experiences it when faced with a stressful situation, for example before an exam or an interview, or during a worrying time such as illness. It is normal to feel anxious when facing something difficult or dangerous, and mild anxiety can be a positive and useful experience.
However, for one in ten people in the UK, anxiety interferes with normal life. Excessive anxiety is often associated with other psychiatric conditions, such as depression. Anxiety is considered abnormal when:
it is very prolonged or severe
it happens in the absence of a stressful event
it is interfering with everyday activities such as going to work or socialising
Symptoms of anxiety
The physical symptoms of anxiety are caused by the brain sending messages to parts of the body to prepare for the "fight or flight" response. The heart, lungs and other parts of the body work faster. The brain also releases stress hormones, including adrenaline. The following symptoms can occur as a result:
abdominal discomfort (something which I have been experiencing these few days)
diarrhoea (none of this)
dry mouth ( I experience this too)
rapid heartbeat or palpitations (talking about this... haha! of cos!)
tightness or pain in chest (Felt it last night when I had the attack)
shortness of breath (This was last night!)
dizziness (yet to have it)
frequent urination (Had this too last night!)
difficulty swallowing (none of this, I can eat but not much)
Psychological symptoms can include:
insomnia (for a few nights!!)
irritability or anger (sometimes!)
inability to concentrate (sometimes)
fear of madness (erm...do I)
feeling unreal and not in control of your actions (depersonalisation) (erm... not really)
Types of anxiety disorders
Sometimes anxiety is associated with a physical illness, such a thyroid disorder. When the illness is treated the anxiety usually improves.
Anxiety is often a symptom of another mental health problem, such as depression, personality disorder, alcohol misuse or withdrawal from long-term use of tranquillisers such as diazepam (Valium).
Anxiety is the main symptom of several other mental illnesses. These are called anxiety disorders.
Reaction disorders
Acute stress reaction - acute means the symptoms develop quickly, minutes or hours after the stressful event. This type of reaction typically occurs after an unexpected life crisis such as bereavement. Sometimes symptoms occur before a forthcoming event, such as an important exam. This is called situational anxiety. Symptoms usually settle fairly quickly and no treatment may be needed.
Adjustment reaction - This is similar to acute stress reaction, but symptoms develop over days or weeks after a stressful situation, for example as a reaction to a divorce. Symptoms tend to improve over a few weeks or so.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) - this may follow after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event such as a major accident or military combat. Anxiety is only one of the symptoms, which may come and go. The person may re-live their traumatic experience in dreams or flashbacks. It is normal to react with anxiety to a frightening experience - the term PTSD is only applied if symptoms persist. It may start years after the triggering event.
Phobias
A phobia is a fear that is out of proportion to the real danger posed by the thing or event that triggers it. Phobias interfere with a person's ability to lead a normal life. The most common phobias are fear of heights, spiders, mice, blood, injections or enclosed space (claustrophobia).
Social phobia is one of the more common phobias. Meeting people causes anxiety and people are worried about what others think of them. One form of social phobia is severe anxiety about speaking or performing in public. It is common to feel nervous in these situations, but people with social phobia find these activities impossible.
Agoraphobia, another common phobia, is a fear of various places and situations, such as crowds or public places.
For more information about phobias, please see the separate BUPA factsheet on Phobias.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
This consists of recurring obsessions or compulsions. Obsessions are recurring thoughts or images that cause feelings of disgust. Common obsessions include germs, dirt or violence. Compulsions are thoughts or actions that people feel they must do or repeat. A compulsion is usually a response to ease the anxiety of an obsession. Excessive handwashing to deal with an obsession about dirt, for example.
For more information on OCD please the separate BUPA factsheet titled Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Panic disorder (THIS IS WHAT I HAD LAST NIGHT!!!!)
This is characterised by panic attacks - a sudden sense of anxiety that occurs without warning and with no apparent trigger. The physical symptoms of anxiety can be very severe. Panic attacks usually last 5-10 minutes.
Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD)
Anxiety can be a long-term disorder in which people feel worried most of the time about things that might go wrong. This is called generalised anxiety disorder.
How do doctors recognise anxiety?
Anyone who feels their life is being affected by the symptoms of anxiety should visit their GP. The GP will want to identify any physical or psychiatric illness that may be causing the anxiety. He or she will listen to a description of the symptoms and may carry out a physical examination. Blood tests may be recommended if the doctor suspects a thyroid disorder or other physical illness.
Some people are referred to a psychiatrist, a doctor who specialises in mental health, for further help.
Treating anxiety disorders
Self-help
Some people may be able to improve their symptoms by relaxation techniques, exercise or talking to other people in support groups. Your GP can advise you about groups in your area.
Talking treatments
CounsellingThis can be effective for some people with anxiety, minor depression or after traumatic events, but is not generally effective for people with phobias, OCD or personality disorder. It involves talking through the problem with the counsellor, who helps the person focus on what it is they want to do and how they can achieve their goal. It does not usually involve giving advice.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)This is a form of psychotherapy carried out by a specially trained therapist. Cognitive therapy involves assessing the reasoning behind people's thinking, on the basis that incorrect thinking results in abnormal reactions. Behavioural therapy aims to change behaviour. Usually the person is gradually exposed to the situation causing anxiety. CBT combines these two types of therapies, and is proven to be effective for anxiety disorders including phobias and panic disorder.
Medicines
A short (up to 10 days) prescription of benzodiazepine tablets, such as diazepam, may be helpful in relieving short-term stress-related anxieties. However, they should not be taken for longer periods because of the risk of addiction.
Buspirone is another medicine that is prescribed in the short-term to relieve anxiety. This has less side-effects than benzodiazepines and people do not become dependent on it.
Antidepressants such as paroxetine (eg Seroxat) may be prescribed for certain anxiety disorders such as generalised anxiety disorder, social phobia and OCD, and when anxiety is associated with depression.
Another group of drugs known as beta- blockers relieve many of the physical symptoms of anxiety such as palpitations and tremors and may be helpful for some people. They do not affect psychological symptoms, but some people find they can relax more if their physical symptoms are relieved.
Relaxation
Relaxation training is a feature of some types of psychotherapy. Various types of relaxation therapy are available - you might want to discuss this with your doctor. Some people may find yoga or the Alexander technique helpful.
Complementary therapy
A wide variety of complementary therapies is available for the treatment of anxiety. However, there is no conclusive evidence that these are of benefit or free from side-effects.
Anyone who chooses to take complementary medicines should tell their pharmacist, as interactions with other medicines are possible.
Sighs!! I think I've been too stressed up... all the tiredness physically, mentally and emotionally builds up to what I am now. Gees... I'm trying hard to relax now... I hope it helps! Stop bringing work home in your mind Jen! Reports and all are killing me!
All I need is just to rest and nothing else! I've kinda finished typing my report. Just a little touching up will do! Dateline is this coming Monday! I thought of taking the day off instead of half day off. I'll head off to take a nap before Mi comes to pick me up for dinner! Ciaos!
Take care peeps and stop stressing yourself!!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 9:05 AM
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
finally, after a day's work! can finally settle down and think about my report! Gotta try to rush it out by next monday!! and I will do a good job! Am just trying to motivate myself...
apparently, Glen and I went back to school to visit LO.... woooo... lots of comments and stories to share! I realized this afternoon during break time. There's alot of things that we don't want to know, we're forced to know. Sighs...
Well, I'm dead tired, came home feeling hungry as usual! Cooked noodles with ham and an egg! haha! what a weird combination?! Oh well, whatever...
Guess I gotta get going! Very busy with work and report!!! Ciaos!!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 12:28 PM
Sunday, September 04, 2005
If you realized, I last blogged on the 29th August! Not that I'm lazy, it's just that I'm busy! Yaya... excuses eh?
oh well... life's been pretty much the same. I don't know if this is considered good news, but Micron will be extending my stay. Well... it kinda dreads me a little.
anyway, I went to get myself a watch recently!! and went to the levis sale! Nothing much though... sighs... And yes, I've gotten 14 watches!!! Whahaha!!!
It's a saturday you must be surprised that I'm home and not working.. yup! I went jogging this morning with daddy! whahaha! Rekindle father-daughter relationship! haha! I kinda miss daddy though... When I'm home, I don't really spend much time with him. Only these few nights, I came home, massage a little for him. Then I'm off to sleep. Wake up in the morning, just say Bye to him and leave the house. Haven't talked much to mummy too. Sighs...
Anyway, after jogging, I went market with daddy. I missed the wet market! haha! And I saw those old ladies sitting there selling dried food! I had the urge to take photos of them. But I thought it would be impolite to do so. Came home, started to clean up the house - the windows, floor and I cleared one of my table! I'm going to have it move out of my room! My room will be more spacious! I'm so tired after a day's work. I've got report to rush but my brain is so tired to work... sighs! I really have to score for this report!
Anyway, the whole day, I only had a plate of salad and half a packet of instant noodles and for dinner, I had a bowl of soup... no much appetite, but am feeling a little hungry now! haha! time flies, it's close to 7 already... maybe I shall just hang on a little, later go supper!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 9:37 AM
